


They Didn’t Tell Merlin

by stan_of_many



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Arthur through Merlin’s eyes, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Merlin is a good friend, Merlin is a good servant, Uther Pendragon’s A+ parenting, arthur centric, arthur growing up, arthur maturing, arthur through many people’s eyes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-10 04:56:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,149
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27677717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stan_of_many/pseuds/stan_of_many
Summary: “Arthur had been seven years old when he witnessed his first execution, Gaius told Merlin one day as Merlin crushed herbs for the physician...Gaius hadn’t told Merlin how he had made sure to stay quite nearby...how his heart had sunk as Arthur emerged, trembling violently and white to the lips.”How three people saw Arthur Pendragon pushed into manhood too quickly and Merlin sees a good man inside a spoiled prince.
Relationships: Merlin & Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 7
Kudos: 53





	They Didn’t Tell Merlin

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure why all my Merlin fanfics are Arthur centric (I mean this is only my second but still) but there is definitely not enough of that in this fandom so I am unashamed. 
> 
> I absolutely love the moments in the show where Arthur is vulnerable and we see that despite the fact that he can be a pratt, he is a very good man and king. So here’s a bit of that.

Arthur had been seven years old when he witnessed his first execution, Gaius told Merlin one day as Merlin crushed herbs for the physician. 

Gaius hadn’t told Merlin how he had gone personally to see Uther when he heard of the King’s intentions to bring his son to an execution for the first time. 

“It is not something for a child of his age, Sire.” He had spoken respectfully, “it may upset him badly.” Uther stood firm,

“That may be Gaius, but he needs to learn the duties of a king and that includes all parts.” The king had allowed no further discussion and Gaius turned away with a heavy heart. 

Gaius hadn’t told Merlin how he had made sure to stay quite nearby where the young prince would return from the execution, how his heart had sunk as Arthur emerged, trembling violently and white to the lips. 

Uther had simply glanced down at his son and answered Gaius’s reproachful look with unmoved,

“He must learn, Gaius.”

Gaius didn’t tell Merlin how he had spent the night with the Prince and his nursemaid as Arthur trembled for hours, finally calming down from a sleeping potion that Gaius gave him, yet still crying out in his sleep. 

Arthur was seven when he saw his first execution, but it was many years before he had no need of Gaius’s remedies afterward. 

Even now Gaius left a sleeping potion in the Prince’s chambers on those nights, collecting the empty bottle in the morning. 

But Gaius didn’t tell Merlin. 

****

Arthur had first killed a man at fourteen. Merlin heard that from Arthur himself a few weeks after starting his position as manservant. The prince’s tone was arrogant as he boasted, teasing Merlin for his uselessness in weaponry after training one day. 

Arthur didn’t mention the sickening wrench of his stomach, how none of his training could have prepared him for the feeling as metal met flesh and a man’s life had been drained at his hand. He had been violently ill that night in the privacy of his own chambers, but no one was ever the wiser. 

_ They were bad men _ , Morgana had whispered,  i _t was in self defense_ , Gaius had reassured.  _ I know _ , the voice in his head had persisted,  _ but it is still something I can never undo _ . 

Shame had filled him over his weakness, he knew his father would be gravely displeased that his son was so affected by something that was expected of him, so he pushed down the disgust, the hurt, the pain, and forced himself to take pride in who he was,  trained to kill since birth . 

It grew less difficult over the years, especially for those who deserved death, he perfected the mask of a good knight and crown prince, and worked towards his father’s pride as his highest achievement, one that seemed unreachable. 

But he could never root out the disgust that curled in his belly as people died at his hand, and shame filled him for that feeling he knew his father would say was weakness. 

But Arthur didn’t tell Merlin. 

****

Arthur first saw one of his men killed

at sixteen. Merlin heard that from Morgana as they chatted while she waited for Gaius to return to his chambers and give her a sleeping potion. She mentioned it in passing, that Arthur was sixteen. 

Morgana didn’t mention was how she had seen the plates that left the prince’s chamber, food untouched, the whole following week. How she had knocked gently at the door a few days after the mission that had gone so very wrong, going out with ten men under Arthur’s command and returning with nine, only the third mission the young prince had led. 

She didn’t tell Merlin how she had found Arthur, sitting at his desk in front of a blank piece of paper, gaze distant and the hand that held his pen trembling slightly. She had felt her heart squeezed as he looked at her, trying pitifully to mask the pain in his eyes. She had wrapped her arms around him in a rare gesture of affection and he hadn’t pushed her away. 

“It wasn’t your fault, there was nothing you could do.” She had whispered. 

“I know.” He had replied, but his eyes remained unconvinced and his hand still trembled. 

He had doubled down on training after that, working himself almost to the point of collapse until Uther and Gaius intervened, and had never stopped trying to train himself into a knight who would never lose a man, or at least as few as possible. 

But Morgana didn’t tell Merlin. 

***

Arthur was seven when he lost his innocence, Arthur was fourteen when he was pushed roughly into manhood, Arthur was sixteen when he learned heartbreak. But he shoved the feelings deep behind the mask of his father’s expectation. He put on a swagger, an arrogant tone, boasted of his prowess as a warrior, and began to believe the lies that he told himself, that he took pride in his skill and position. 

Gaius, Arthur, and Morgana, they never told Merlin the whole story. No, Merlin learned the rest of the stories himself. 

Merlin learned as he undressed a slightly trembling Arthur who insisted he was cold after the execution of a man accused of sorcery, a man that Arthur been sent to capture. Arthur downed a potion that Gaius had sent through Merlin and fell asleep soon after but Merlin noticed the small cries he gave as he slept. Merlin saw the seven year old boy who watched someone executed for the first time. 

Merlin learned as he watched Arthur return hastily to his chambers after being forced to kill a young man who had attempted to kill him; taking a need for revenge for a girl that Uther had executed out on the king’s son. Arthur insisted he must have eaten something bad as Merlin offered him ginger for his upset stomach and placed a comforting hand on the prince’s back as the young assassin’s body was cleared away below. Merlin saw the fourteen year old boy, ill over having killed for the first time. 

Merlin learned as he rode alongside a silent Arthur towards the castle, the prince leading the remaining men home as they completed their mission, yet returned without several knights. Arthur gave no reason for his lack of appetite as Merlin cleared the barely touched food that evening, he simply stood, staring into the fire, his gaze distant. Merlin saw the sixteen year old who lead ten men under his command and came back, heart heavy with only nine. 

Spoiled, arrogant, stubborn, these all rang true of Arthur, but in these moments Merlin saw beyond the arrogance, beyond stubbornness and spoiled attitude and saw the noble parts of Arthur Pendragon. 

It was during these moments that Merlin knew he truly served a King. 


End file.
